Sunday, December 11, 2005
Andainya Aku Bersuara...
Akulah sebatang karaDan tiada tempat berceritaS egalanya ku diamkan sajaMaka hati pun mulalah berkata-kataAndainya ku bersuaraTak bererti aku melindungiDan mencari kelemahan diriBukan juga untuk ku mengharapkan simpatiDi manakah letaknya diri ku iniSehingga ku rasa sungguh asing sekaliHilang sudah rindu dan kasih sayang
Segalanya bagai baru saja bermula
Yang putih pada mu sama
Kau keliru tak dapat bezakan
Pada zahir sama yang dilihat
Begitulah aku cuba mengibaratkan
Ku cari rindu
Entah bila rindu kembali menjelma
Ku pujuk hatiTak usah sayuBiarkanlah semuanya berlalu....Andainya aku bersuaraMungkinkah mereka mengertiPerasaan di hatiYang sering memendamiAndainya aku bersuaraMungkinkah ku kelihatan lemahAku cuma ingin dihargaiDihormati seperti insan lain di dunia iniAndainya aku bersuaraMungkinkah puas hatikuAtau ianya hanya kan menambahBeban dan lukaKu pujuk hatiHentilah menangisiKu tidak sendiriKu tahu DIA menemani........~the strength i gained from loving YOU can nvr be replaced~
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:14 PM
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
How to Deal With Grief
Editorial Note:I was reading latest edition of Cleo wen i came upon this article. I tink its best that i put this up (wif of coz a lot being edited!). So for u ppl who r grieving, read this! *Grievance cld be bloody hard n u'll feel like u'll nvr stop crying!*"I cnt even properly xplain wat it felt like to lose him, at first, my whole body was like rebelling against the idea. I started throwing up everywhere n having these convulsions; i dunno wat to do, tink or say. it was like living in a different world. it was the worst pain ever. I juz wanted him back so badly - the tot of not seeing him anymore was utter agony. I cldnt take it. " (hmm... aint it too familiar??)Grief is one of those tings we dun talk abt much. We noe it exists, bt it's juz nicer nt to give it too muc tot until we haf to. Bt dat's juz the ting isnt it? We'r all gonna have to deal wif it at sum stage. Loss is, unfortunately, pretty much inevitable. There's nt muc we cn do to prepare for it either - it's always going to mark a really shitty chapter in our lives (n i mean no joke, as in, REAL SHITTY!!!) no matter wen it comes. Bt it doesnt mean u'll nvr be happy or live a normal life again, bcoz chances r, u will. (if u haf faith... god willing...)Wat can make it xtra tough is dat no one really teaches us how to grieve. No one tells us that we all haf diff ways of coping wif loss n that we each haf our own time frame for grieving.(ranging frm 0.001 secs to forever!!!) Yes, there's no wrong way to grief. However, there are sum healthier coping mechanisms dat may help make the situation juz a bit more bearable. Coping wif relationship break-up:
"it wasnt juz the pain of losing him.. it was fear of the future... I'd dreamt of my life wif him in it and then suddenly it was over. I blamed myself for ages and went crazy imagining what he was doing without me."
(hmm... dun all of us???)We usually dun use the term grief wen it comes to break-ups bt dats wat most women r feeling. Grief has sumting to do wif the loss of sum kind of emotional attachment. It's more than juz sadness. Grief affects how we feel, tink and behave. It's many emotions - anger, shock, love, devastation - all at once, and it can relate to any situation.
(in lament term, i tink its called temp insanity)Dun start tinking dat ur relationship was bad bcoz it will only make u feel worse. Dun indulge in post-relationship rituals like cutting up all fotos of u n him together or burning his stuff. U'll only regret it later. So how do u make the pain stop???
Truth is, u cnt!!!
(at last! sum1 said dis!!!!) Well... nt for awhile aniwei. Ppl r born wiff the ability to bounce back, so u juz haf to believe u will eventually feel better.
(n slowly... u will actually eventually feel better...) The first step is accepting he's nt coming back.
(erm... i noe... nt n easy task.. bt we've got to start sumwhere! this is, unfortunately, the part where most of us fails... we longed n hoped n prayed n wished to realise that we juz spent a lifetime wasted on sum1 who din care n WAT???? HE'S MARRIED WIF KIDS NOW?!!! n wen u really want to move on... it's too late... coz time is running up for u... erm.. u noe wat i mean..)Wat u need to do is stay healthy and take care of urself. Wen we r overcome wif despair, we tend to function differently. We lose our appetites, we get tired and sick easily and we lose all motivation.
(i shall admit to this!) It's easy to wallow on self-pity, bt u need to get back into ur normal routine.
The best way to kick-start tings is to surround urself wif ppl who care for u.
(i did! well.. i tink they care...) Exercise is gd too; it releases endorphins that lift up ur mood. Dun feel pressure to be the life of the party, juz start off slowly. The heartache may stay wif u for a long time bt u'll work it out.
Grief is nt like the flu. It's nt sumting that will go away in a few wks or even months. Its suc a roller coaster of emotions. Juz wen u tink u'r okay, sum small detail like a song or a scent, cn bring u crashing down.
(so f***ingly true!!!) So, cn u evr feel better aft a loss?
Well... yes n no. U'll nvr "get over it" bt u will find a way to live wif ur loss.
(again! at last sum1 admit this fact!!!) How? By finding wat works for u. Gif urself time to cry n sleep. Slowly try to do the tings u enjoy again. Watching movies, reading bks, spending time wif frens even if u dun talk abt tings, or try writing.
(or try n type how to deal wif grief on ur blog! erm... sounds too familiar now...) Do watever helps u release ur grief.
(proudly tried all of the above)Most importantly, seek out a person u cn talk to, sumone who wil listen wif kindness n offer healthy support. After a period of much sadness, u actually wanna be happy again and if u try, u will be. One ting to avoid: being bitter or nasty. Wen we r in pain, it's easy to blame sumone for causing it. Hold onto the gd memories - u'll find they'll cheer u up.
GOLDEN TIPS: WHAT SHLD I DO IF A FREN IS GRIEVING? Ur fren has lost sum1 they love n u're not sure wat to say or how to act.
Do's
- say that u've heard abt their loss n that u'r terribly sorry. Let them noe that u'r there if they need anything.
- say that u're happy to listen if they feel like talking bt dun try to force them.
- tink of lil tings u cn do for them that may help, like cooking a meal n dropping over.
Don'ts
- say "i noe how u'r feeling", "u juz need time" or "it was for the best" - these r nt the tings that ppl wanna hear.
- say nothing or ignore them. it's the easy option bt the worst ting u cn do.
- tell dem how to grieve. if they want to b alone, then let them b. b understanding n gif her space to mourn.
- forget that they'll be grieving for a long time, so still be there for them six mths to a yr - or longer - down the track.
* Been there done that! Phew! All this while, I tot i m abnormal or mayb juz plain nuts. Now i realised i was jus grieving all this while!!! everything in dis article is soooooooooo true n i m sure everyone cn relate. the-feel-like-throwing-up, or i-juz-want-to-sleep, or let-me-cry-till-i-die, or i-m-nt-hungry, or damn-i-feel-tired, or i-juz-dun-haf-the-mood, or i'll-nvr-b-back-on-my-feet-again or this-song-reminds-me-of-him or watever kinda shit dat has been stated above is sumting every1 go tru. gd news: u r nt alone. bad news: most of the time u feel u r. frm personal experience, cry as muc as u want, wallow on self pity as muc as u want, feel depressed n useless, avoid frens n family, stop eating, stop living - watever it takes basically - coz for me, it helps. the more i do shit, the faster i snap out of it. of coz... u need strength. n nt juz any strength. the kind of inner strength n faith dat suddenly overtake u. pray real hard n devote urself to the Almighty n God-Willing... the strength, the peacefulness n calmness, the happiness, dat u seek, will b urs. as mentioned above, dun let grief change the angel in u into a monster. yes, u mite hate the person, n sweet revenge is probably ur uttermost goal bt no, it wun make u feel better in the end, n yes at the end of the day, a gd heart will win over any situation. if u believe in The Almighty, u will believe that THEY will get wat THEY deserve n YOU will get wat YOU deserve...~Allah swt itu Maha Mengetahui... Org yg baik pasangannya hanya org yg baik juga, jd percayalah, bahawa setiap apa yg ditentukan, ada hikmahnya dan adalah yg terbaik utk kita. Sesungguhnya, itu adalah hadiahNya utk kita dan yakinilah Dia hanya mengurniakan yg terbaik buat umatNya, terutama umatNya yg mematuhi kehendakNya dan menjauhi laranganNya. Yakinilah hukuman dariNya adalah yg sewajarnya, jd jauhilah dr perasaan dendam dan perasaan ingin menghukum. Yakinilah DIA itu senantiasa ada. Dekatilah diriNya. Karna cinta yg sejati, cinta yg kekal hanya CINTA PD PENCIPTANYA... Yakinilah... Redhailah.... Allahu Akhbar...~Nurashikin Mohamad7th dec, Wednesday0231 hrs
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 12:58 AM
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Happy Birthday...
Happy Birthday to u
Happy Birthday to u
Happy Birthday dearest u
Happy Birthday to u....
Semoga panjang umur,
Murah rezki,
Tetap dilindungi Allah swt
Dan senantiasa bahgia
Disamping keluarga tercinta...
Kullu 'Aamin Wa Antum Bil Khair...
* kau ttp dlm ingatan dan doaku... happy birthday...
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:54 PM
Sepi Sekuntum Mawar Merah / Kerana@ 9.46pm
Berulang kali kumencuba
Memujuk hati
Lupakan semua
Kenangan...
Namun mimpi bertemu lagi
Di saat engkau
Tiada di sisi...
Ku berpegang pada janji
Tercipta ... antara kita dulu
Hilangmu tiada berganti
Biarlah ... begini
Ku belayar di lautan
Tidak bertepian
Sesekali disedarkan
Ombak yang mendatang
Aku seperti hilang
Punca arah dan ... tujuan
Aku puisikan namamu
Bersama rindu
Di dalam sendu ...
* In less than 3 hours... will be ur birthday.... i had plans....it pain my heart everytime i tink abt wat u r doin... i cut my fingers jus now... bt i dun feel the pain coz the the bleeding finger is noting compared to my bleeding heart...Kerana terlalu mempercayaimuKau istimewa dalam hidup kuKerna terlalu menghormati
Terkeliru pandangan mata hati
Kerana terlalu mengasihi
Akhirnya terluka aku sendiri
Aku sangkakan mengenalimuAku kenali hati budimuAku meyakini engkau luhurMenyayangiku dengan jujurKiranya bagimu itu semuaHanya satu lakonan, lakonan biasaTiada sedikit pun aku sedariDipersendakan oh selama iniAku sangkakan yang ku gila
Permata tulen yang berharga
Penilaian ku oh ternyata silap
Kau rupanya kaca tak berharga
Kau rupanya kaca tak berharga...* u turn out to be my greatest nitemare....
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 9:43 PM
Friday, December 02, 2005
tasik MADU???
From now onwards, u gonna see a lot of songs... one after another.... everytime i listen to these songs... the liriks sumhow will remind me of sum ppl.... since i cnt say it to them... mite as well dedicate it to them here.... so here's number 1:Walaupun tasik kekeringan
Tak mungkin teratai kan tumbuh di darat
Begitulah takdirnya cintaku di ibarat
Tak akan berubah perasaanku terhadap dia
Mengapa dia yang ku cinta
Sedangkan ku tahu sikapnya begituDia pandai berpura dan pandai bermain kataSetahun bersama bak seribu tahun tersiksa
Aku tidak sudi melihat dia lagiWalau dalam mimpi pun tidak ku inginiAku rela menjadi teratai yang layuDaripada mekar di dalamnya tasik maduBiarkanlah ku beginiDan tak mungkin ku kembaliBersamamu
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 8:13 PM
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Istana Menanti
Langkah ini
Terasa terhenti-henti
Depan kelabu
Pedih memilu
Masa bukan lagi temanku
Masih jua
Aku mengharap cahaya
Biarpun terus
Meredah belukar
Pecahan kaca
Menusuk tubuh berdarah
Sakitnya tiada terkira
Istana menanti
Bertakhta hati
Berseri...
Istana menanti
Tempat kitaPasti...
Getar jari-jemari
Bertaut pada harapan ini
Aku membilang hari
Apa akan datang hari
Ku nanti
Istana menanti
Pasti...
* wen i say i m a bitch.. i really m.... i m doing wat i m nt suppose to do... noeing its a sin... noeing its forbidden... noeing its a mistake... noeing its unhealthy... nt like i want it... i juz cnt help it... sumbody slap me. wake me up. fast. b4 i drown even deeper.... help me... rescue me... unleash me... untie me... its suffocating.. i'm dying...
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 9:55 PM